The soundtrack to a life: choosing music for a funeral
A while ago, I was talking with someone about funeral music when they said, without hesitation, “I know exactly what I want played at mine.” I was expecting something beautiful and reflective. Their answer? “Highway to Hell.”
We both laughed, but it got me thinking. Music at a funeral doesn’t always have to be solemn. Sometimes the song that feels most appropriate is the one that captures the person exactly as they were.
Music has an incredible ability to bring back memories. You can hear the first few notes of a song and suddenly remember a person, a place or a moment you haven’t thought about for years. That is what makes music such an important part of a funeral.
More than background music
When families are arranging a funeral, choosing the music can sometimes seem like one of the smaller decisions. In reality, it can become one of the most meaningful.
Music can welcome people as they arrive, accompany a photo tribute, provide a quiet moment for reflection or bring everyone together in song. The final piece of music as people leave can be particularly powerful, and there are no rules saying it has to be sad.
The right choice might be a hymn that has been sung in the family for generations, a favourite waiata, a song that was played at a wedding 50 years earlier, a piece of classical music, a country song, or something Dad insisted on playing far too loudly every Sunday morning. What matters most is the connection.
Music and culture in Aotearoa
One of the special things about funerals in New Zealand is the many different cultural traditions that influence the way we say goodbye.
For Māori, waiata and other forms of sung and spoken expression can be deeply woven through tangihanga. Waiata can carry whakapapa, memories, grief and aroha, bringing people together at a time of loss.
Music and singing are also an important part of many Pacific funerals. Hymns, choirs and collective singing can fill a church or family gathering with extraordinary sound. It isn’t simply a performance; singing together can be an expression of family, community, culture and faith.
In many Pākehā and European New Zealand funerals, traditional hymns and organ music that were once common now sit alongside almost every musical genre imaginable. You might hear Amazing Grace at one funeral and Leonard Cohen, Elton John, Tina Turner or The Beatles at the next.
Increasingly, funeral music isn’t about choosing what people think they are “supposed” to play. It is about choosing something that feels like the person.
The songs New Zealanders would choose
So, what are New Zealanders choosing for their own farewell?
As part of Dying Matters Week Aotearoa 2026, people around the country were asked to share the song they would like played at their funeral. The response resulted in New Zealand’s Ultimate Funeral Playlist, featuring 167 songs.
The top ten choices were an interesting mix of the heartfelt, traditional and slightly cheeky:
- Another One Bites the Dust
- Time to Say Goodbye
- Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
- Amazing Grace
- My Way
- Forever Young
- Ring of Fire
- The Last Goodbye
- If Tomorrow Never Comes
- How Great Thou Art
It’s quite a list. Traditional favourites such as Amazing Grace and How Great Thou Art sit alongside songs about love and saying goodbye, while Another One Bites the Dust taking the number one spot suggests plenty of New Zealanders would like to leave us with a smile.
That mix probably tells us something important about funeral music. There isn’t one type of song that belongs at a funeral. For some people, the right choice is a hymn that has been part of their family or faith for generations. For others, it’s a favourite song that holds a lifetime of memories. And for some, it’s an opportunity for one last bit of humour.
At first glance, a song such as Another One Bites the Dust might seem like a strange choice for a funeral. But imagine the person who spent their whole life making everyone laugh. One final joke through their choice of music might be exactly right. A funeral doesn’t have to be relentlessly solemn to be respectful; sometimes laughter and tears belong in the same room.
When a song tells someone’s story
One of the loveliest ways to choose funeral music is to forget about “funeral songs” altogether and think about the person’s life. What did they listen to in the car? What did they dance to? Was there a song they always requested at a party, or one that takes you straight back to a particular family holiday? Did the grandchildren know that whenever a certain song came on, Grandad would start singing?
Those details can make a funeral feel much more personal. Some families create a playlist covering different periods of a person’s life and have it playing as people arrive or while everyone shares food and stories afterwards. Others choose one particularly meaningful song for a photo tribute.
Then there is live music. A granddaughter singing her grandmother’s favourite song, a friend picking up a guitar, a choir singing together or whānau joining in a waiata can create one of those moments people remember for years. It doesn’t have to be a perfect performance either. Sometimes the shaky voice is what makes it so moving.
Technology is opening up some new possibilities too. AI tools can now be used to create personalised songs based on someone’s life, memories and stories. It may appeal to some families and not to others, but it’s another example of how the music used at funerals continues to change and become more personal.
Don’t wait until the funeral to choose your song
We often encourage people to talk about their funeral wishes before those decisions have to be made, and choosing a song is a surprisingly easy place to start. You don’t need to plan your entire funeral. You could simply tell someone, “When my time comes, I want this played.” Better still, tell them why, because that story may become just as important as the song itself.
It’s worth asking your family another question too: what song would they choose for you? Their answer might be completely different from yours, and it could tell you something rather lovely about how the people closest to you see you.
Music has an extraordinary ability to hold memories. Long after a funeral is over, a familiar song can come on the radio, in the supermarket or while you’re driving and suddenly bring that person straight back to mind.
Perhaps that’s why music matters so much at funerals. It helps us say goodbye, but it also gives us something to carry with us afterwards.
So, what would your song be?
Sam – representing the Funeral Directors Association of New Zealand (FDANZ).