Themed funerals - celebrating unique lives
When I talk to families about funeral arrangements, I often hear the same concern: "We want something that truly reflects who they were, but we're not sure what's appropriate." It's a conversation I have regularly, and I understand why families feel uncertain about moving beyond traditional services.
The reality is that funeral practices exist on a spectrum. At one end, we have deeply held cultural and religious traditions with established protocols that families follow out of respect, faith, or cultural obligation. At the other end, there's complete creative freedom where families design entirely personalised celebrations. Sometimes, I see families finding meaningful ground somewhere between these two approaches.
When tradition and culture guides the way
Some funeral practices are firmly rooted in cultural or religious requirements that aren't negotiable. For Muslim families, burial within 24 hours reflects deep religious beliefs about the soul's journey – this timeline is sacred, not simply preferred. Similarly, traditional Māori tangihanga follows established protocols around the marae, the hongi, and specific karakia (prayers) that have been practised for generations.
For Pasifika families, traditional elements like the ‘fine mat’ ceremonies or specific prayer sequences often remain unchanged, but there might be flexibility around music choices, flowers, or the sharing of memories that reflect the person's New Zealand life alongside their cultural heritage.
In these cases, the ‘theme’ is about ensuring these important traditions are followed correctly whilst incorporating personal touches that work within the cultural framework.
Where creativity flourishes
At the other end of the spectrum are families with no strong religious or cultural requirements, or those from traditions that actively encourage personalisation. These families have the freedom to create services that reflect their loved one's passions, hobbies, career, or personality.
Last year, I worked with a farming family with flexible Christian beliefs, and we arranged for a vintage tractor to provide the final journey for their relative. The service location, music, speakers, and even the refreshments afterwards were all chosen to reflect who he was.
The beautiful middle ground
Most families I work with find themselves somewhere between these two approaches, and this is where themed funerals become particularly meaningful. One funeral I'll never forget perfectly illustrates this blend of tradition and personalisation.
The deceased was a woman who loved the sea and swam in the harbour every day. Her family held fast to certain Christian traditions – her open coffin was at home for three days, and there were prayers during the service. But they chose to hold the ceremony at a yacht club overlooking the water where she'd spent countless mornings.
The service respected her Christian faith, but the heart of the ceremony was people sharing memories of her daily swims and love of the ocean. At the end, her children and grandchildren stood in a circle and closed the coffin lid together – a personal ritual that felt right for their family.
Your choices
Sometimes families worry about ‘getting it wrong’ or offending relatives with different views about what's appropriate. I've found that focusing on what would have made the deceased happy, whilst respecting any essential cultural or religious elements, often helps resolve these discussions.
The most meaningful funerals I've witnessed – whether traditional, themed, or somewhere in between – share common elements – they tell a story about who the person was, they bring comfort to those grieving, and they create lasting memories that honour a life well-lived.
Whether you’re being organised and planning your own funeral, or you’re a bereaved family member, your funeral director should give you time to make informed decisions without pressure. They should clearly explain your options and respect your choices, whether you're planning a traditional service, a celebration of life, or something unique to your family.
Sam - representing the Funeral Directors Association of New Zealand (FDANZ).